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Economic Woes Cause Cutbacks At Gazelle

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(UNDATED) – In response to the economic downturn that is pummeling newspapers everywhere — not just us, okay?!? — the Central PA Gazelle today announced several belt-tightening moves.

The publication’s sole employee, D. Editor, announced several steps designed to offset losses in revenue, including plans to:

  • accept a no-work state job to help pay the bills.
  • eliminate all spontaneous contributions to homeless people.
  • downsize his daily Starbucks coffee from a “Vente” to a “Grande.”
  • cancel his subscription to Guns & Ammo.

We are confident that these reductions will enable the Gazelle to maintain its grueling production schedule of two to four articles per month.


Written by centralpagazelle

March 24, 2009 at 9:37 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

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