THE CENTRAL PA GAZELLE

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Mayor Linda Thompson Issues Heartfelt, Profanity-Laced Apology To All Perry County Scumbags

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Linda-Thompson_Mayor(HARRISBURG) – Mayor Linda Thompson today issued what she termed “an apology to any of those sister-lovin’ cow-fuckers in Perry County who may have been offended by remarks wrongly construed by some to be offensive.”

At a press conference earlier this week, Thompson outraged Perry County residents by saying the city would not allow “some scumbag from Perry County” to dump their trash for free in Harrisburg.

“I’m not even sure where Perry County is, but I’m guessing Harrisburg is not in it,” Thompson said in the written statement. “Had I realized that Perry Countonians had souls and feelings, I probably would have phrased my remarks differently. Or perhaps I would have said some shit about Juniata County – I mean, do people actually live there?”

“In my morning prayers, I asked Our Heavenly Father for foregiveness at which time he informed me he’ll make a decision within the next 48 hours,” Thompson’s statement said.

The statement concludes with the following: “There. I’ve apologized. Now, you are left with precisely two choices: either accept it or kiss my big, hairy, oversized, surgically-altered, oddly-shaped ass.”

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Written by centralpagazelle

March 28, 2013 at 3:35 pm

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