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Local Forecasters Really Hoping They Don’t Fuck This One Up

with 5 comments

tstorm(UNDATED) – Forecasters across the midstate paused momentarily from making their dire predictions regarding Thursday’s weather to say they really, really hope they are right this time.

“You see that massive band of storms that slammed the midwest yesterday?” said Tom Russell, chief meteorologist at WHP-TV. “All of my computer models say it’s sure as fuck headed to central Pennsylvania today. So if they’re wrong this time, I’m gonna start shooting.”

At WHTM-TV ABC27, Meteorologist Dan Tomaso lamented that he lacked the experience to correctly interpret what that station’s computers were trying to tell him.

“I don’t want to read into it too much, but there are an ass-load of different colors on this map, and a lot of the red and orange shit is moving our way,” Tomaso said. “I really wish Eric [Finkenbinder] would answer his fucking cell phone so I could ask him what I need to do about all of this.”

Shortly after 8 a.m., Russell conceded he was nervous as a relative calm set in after a string of relatively routine thunderstorms rolled through the area.

“There better be more to this system,” Russell said. “This shit better soon get real.”

“It’s drizzling right now, leaving a light, sparkling mist on my breasts as I walked into the station from my car early this morning,” said Fox 43 Meteorologist Andrea Michaels.

Over at WGAL-TV, Joe Calhoun and Doug Allen were reportedly arm wrestling for the title of chief meteorologist, and therefore declined our calls.

Written by centralpagazelle

June 13, 2013 at 9:00 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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  1. not sure how i feel about my 10 year old searching for things to do in central pa and this popping far as reading it the weather forcasts here change hourly…we all deal with it


    June 13, 2013 at 12:02 pm

    • this is totalaly unprofessional


      June 13, 2013 at 12:36 pm

      • D. Editor is a professional wiseacre of many years’ experience. Your sentence is “totalaly” illiterate. The “shift” key is used to make a big letter at the beginning of a sentence, because the big letter leads the little letter parade. I learned that in first grade. Did you miss that grade? Everyone is entitled to their opinion. My opinion is that illiterate people should not write. Ever.


        June 22, 2013 at 11:03 am

        • Yep..I made a mistake. I’m glad to see you are so perfect. So perfect and so rude. I dare you to say this to my face. I bet you are the editor. Very unprofessional.


          June 24, 2013 at 12:18 am

    • gg – Though our mission is to amuse and offend anyone who wishes to be amused and offended, we agree that 10 is a bit young. As a result, we’ve self-reported our blog to WordPress as containing “mature content.” Not sure that it will affect your daughter’s search results, but at least it’s something. Thanks for your comment.


      June 13, 2013 at 8:34 pm

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