THE CENTRAL PA GAZELLE

A look at what isn't making news across the midstate

Local Forecasters Really Hoping They Don’t Fuck This One Up

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tstorm(UNDATED) – Forecasters across the midstate paused momentarily from making their dire predictions regarding Thursday’s weather to say they really, really hope they are right this time. Read the rest of this entry »

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Written by centralpagazelle

June 13, 2013 at 9:00 am

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Papenfuse Feverishly Reading Up On How To Run A City

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0019(HARRISBURG) – Democratic mayoral candidate Eric Papenfuse was seen today hunkered down in the “Government and Civics” section of the bookstore he owns, The Midtown Scholar, frantically reading through books on city governance. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

June 12, 2013 at 8:59 am

Corbett Marks One Full Week Without Insulting Unemployed Pennsylvanians

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Corbett_7(HARRISBURG) – As Governor Tom Corbett today celebrated one full week of not making comments perceived as insulting to unemployed people, his office marked the occasion by sending out a press release touting the accomplishment. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

May 6, 2013 at 11:58 am

Mayor Linda Thompson Issues Heartfelt, Profanity-Laced Apology To All Perry County Scumbags

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Linda-Thompson_Mayor(HARRISBURG) – Mayor Linda Thompson today issued what she termed “an apology to any of those sister-lovin’ cow-fuckers in Perry County who may have been offended by remarks wrongly construed by some to be offensive.” Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

March 28, 2013 at 3:35 pm

Steelton Man Feels He Has A ‘Pretty Good Shot’ At Being Next Pope

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stoutman_1(STEELTON) – Kenny ‘Walnuts’ Stoutman today announced plans to “run for Pope,” adding he feels he has “a pretty good shot at winning.” Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

February 11, 2013 at 4:39 pm

Blizzard to butt-slam midstate

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snow_4(HARRISBURG) – A winter storm that promises to wallop the region with up to three inches of snow is expected to arrive any time, leaving central Pennsylvania in a justified state of panic. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

January 25, 2013 at 1:50 pm

Local Gun Enthusiasts Disheartened With Renewed Backlash Against Shooting People

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crazed_man(UNDATED) – Midstate gun owners and those who make money off of them are expressing disappointment at the increasing scrutiny that is being placed on the practice of shooting other people. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

January 22, 2013 at 12:00 am

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