THE CENTRAL PA GAZELLE

A look at what isn't making news across the midstate

Posts Tagged ‘Dauphin County

Mayor Linda Thompson Issues Heartfelt, Profanity-Laced Apology To All Perry County Scumbags

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Linda-Thompson_Mayor(HARRISBURG) – Mayor Linda Thompson today issued what she termed “an apology to any of those sister-lovin’ cow-fuckers in Perry County who may have been offended by remarks wrongly construed by some to be offensive.” Read the rest of this entry »

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Written by centralpagazelle

March 28, 2013 at 3:35 pm

Steelton Man Feels He Has A ‘Pretty Good Shot’ At Being Next Pope

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stoutman_1(STEELTON) – Kenny ‘Walnuts’ Stoutman today announced plans to “run for Pope,” adding he feels he has “a pretty good shot at winning.” Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

February 11, 2013 at 4:39 pm

Farm Show: Midstate Woman Judged As Prize Cattle, Sold To Hoss’s

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large_woman(HARRISBURG) – An obese Perry County woman visiting the Pennsylvania Farm Show was surprised when cattlemen suddenly whisked her aside and branded her as prize-winning livestock. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

January 10, 2013 at 5:27 pm

Massive Sinkhole Devours All Of Harrisburg, Ending City’s Fiscal Crisis

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Sinkhole(HARRISBURG) – A series of sinkholes that began on 4th Street in Harrisburg’s uptown section rapidly expanded this morning and swallowed the entire city. Though tens of thousands of people are still missing, the occurrence is being welcomed by many in the midstate for finally ending the fiscal crisis that had similarly engulfed the city for the last few years. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

January 4, 2013 at 3:51 pm

Mayor Thompson Releases Annual Holiday Greeting

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(Linda-Thompson_MayorHARRISBURG) – Mayor Linda Thompson today released her annual holiday greeting. Here is the text of the mayor’s message. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

December 20, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Deceased Man Remembered As Total Prick

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(MIDDLETOWN) – Family members, neighbors and others say Ralph Ruthbaum, who died this past week at age 78, was a complete asshole. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

July 26, 2008 at 12:47 pm

Purchase Of Mini Cooper Turns Steelton Man Gay

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(STEELTON) – After 41 years of living a heterosexual lifestyle, Dan Maddox of Steelton became gay this week. The switch and subsequent declaration to family and friends came within days of his recent purchase of a red 2008 Mini Cooper. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

May 20, 2008 at 9:17 pm

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