Jesus Rises From The Dead, School Cancelled Monday

(Jerusalem) — Jesus Christ again rose from the dead today, causing midstate school districts to cancel Monday classes and Biblical scholars to speculate as to why He chose this year to make a big return.

Reed Declares State Of Emergency Due To Thompson Presidency

(HARRISBURG) — Mayor Stephen Reed today declared a state of emergency for the city of Harrisburg due to the appointment of Linda Thompson as City Council president.

Jesus To Ride Along In All PennDOT Plows This Winter

(HARRISBURG) – In preparation for the winter months, the entire fleet of vehicles used to plow snow from Pennsylvania roads has been outfitted with plastic dashboard Jesuses, PennDOT officials announced today.