THE CENTRAL PA GAZELLE

A look at what isn't making news across the midstate

Posts Tagged ‘Lame bullshit

Economic Woes Cause Cutbacks At Gazelle

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(UNDATED) – In response to the economic downturn that is pummeling newspapers everywhere — not just us, okay?!? — the Central PA Gazelle today announced several belt-tightening moves.

The publication’s sole employee, D. Editor, announced several steps designed to offset losses in revenue, including plans to:

  • accept a no-work state job to help pay the bills.
  • eliminate all spontaneous contributions to homeless people.
  • downsize his daily Starbucks coffee from a “Vente” to a “Grande.”
  • cancel his subscription to Guns & Ammo.

We are confident that these reductions will enable the Gazelle to maintain its grueling production schedule of two to four articles per month.

Written by centralpagazelle

March 24, 2009 at 9:37 pm

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Letters To D. Editor

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It’s been a while since your last post. Are you still there? What happened?
E.W. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

November 30, 2008 at 4:26 pm

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The Gazelle Not Above Shameless Promotion, D. Editor Says

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What’s black and white and probably won’t get you laid? The new Central PA Gazelle bumper sticker! Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

August 19, 2008 at 2:09 pm

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Letters To D. Editor

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Wonderful stuff as always. I just heard WGAL report that a new study shows that teen tobacco use affects their brains. Another thing to blame on cigarettes. Seems like everything bad today is caused by cigarettes.
N.B.

Unless it was a report from George Lettis (a.k.a. “The Tom Brokaw of WGAL”), be skeptical. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

June 23, 2008 at 10:56 am

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Beers and Spears

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BEERS…to Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama for agreeing to take part in the Compassion Forum, an event right in our back yards that will focus on religion. If there’s one thing we small-town Central Pennsylvania folk cling to more than our guns it’s the baby Jesus, and the lack of mentions said savior has been receiving on the campaign trail has been a sin. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

April 13, 2008 at 1:36 pm

Letters To D. Editor

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I’m hoping there have been no posts to your site because you are vacationing somewhere warm. If not and your mind has been erased, well that’s a bummer. I miss your biting humor!
S.S.
Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

March 30, 2008 at 1:36 pm

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Letters To D. Editor

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You must retaliate for the “Jeers” given to you by the Patriot-News […] for the Horse-to-Glue piece.
C.S. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

January 21, 2008 at 9:15 pm

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Gazelle Celebrates Most Successful Year To Date

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Publisher D. Editor announced today that 2007 was the most successful year The Central PA Gazelle has ever had.

The publication began publicating on December 23, 2006, with a skeleton staff of one person. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

December 31, 2007 at 12:03 am

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Declaration Of Add A Caption Winner Sparks Riots In Islamabad

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The editorial board wishes to thank those who entered submissions in the inaugural Central PA Gazelle “Add A Caption” Contest. The above photo drew scads of entries ranging from delightfully clever to downright whacked-out-on-crack. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

November 4, 2007 at 9:05 pm

Letters To D. Editor

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Dude, I grew up in Selinsgrove and went to college at F&M; in Lancaster. This is one of the funniest things I have ever seen! You had me laughing so hard today I could barely breathe. Especially like the Katherine Baker Knoll and Rendell digs, he was my commencement speaker and I’ll never forgive him for that.
Thanks again, N.L. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

September 16, 2007 at 1:31 pm

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