THE CENTRAL PA GAZELLE

A look at what isn't making news across the midstate

Posts Tagged ‘Linda Thompson

Papenfuse Feverishly Reading Up On How To Run A City

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0019(HARRISBURG) – Democratic mayoral candidate Eric Papenfuse was seen today hunkered down in the “Government and Civics” section of the bookstore he owns, The Midtown Scholar, frantically reading through books on city governance. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

June 12, 2013 at 8:59 am

Mayor Linda Thompson Issues Heartfelt, Profanity-Laced Apology To All Perry County Scumbags

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Linda-Thompson_Mayor(HARRISBURG) – Mayor Linda Thompson today issued what she termed “an apology to any of those sister-lovin’ cow-fuckers in Perry County who may have been offended by remarks wrongly construed by some to be offensive.” Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

March 28, 2013 at 3:35 pm

Massive Sinkhole Devours All Of Harrisburg, Ending City’s Fiscal Crisis

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Sinkhole(HARRISBURG) – A series of sinkholes that began on 4th Street in Harrisburg’s uptown section rapidly expanded this morning and swallowed the entire city. Though tens of thousands of people are still missing, the occurrence is being welcomed by many in the midstate for finally ending the fiscal crisis that had similarly engulfed the city for the last few years. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

January 4, 2013 at 3:51 pm

Mayor Thompson Releases Annual Holiday Greeting

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(Linda-Thompson_MayorHARRISBURG) – Mayor Linda Thompson today released her annual holiday greeting. Here is the text of the mayor’s message. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

December 20, 2012 at 1:05 pm

‘Tickle Me Sandusky’ Among This Year’s List Of Bad Children’s Gifts

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(HARRISBURG) – Several dolls, including the once-popular Tickle Me Sandusky, are among the most hazardous gifts you can buy your children this holiday season, officials with the Pennsylvania Toy Injury Testing Service (PennTITS) said at a Harrisburg press conference today. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

November 28, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Linda Thompson’s Giant Beaver Blamed For Water Problems

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(HARRISBURG) – Sources are fingering Harrisburg Mayor Linda Thompson’s giant beaver as the cause of last week’s water-main break that shut down several businesses along with city and state government. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

April 27, 2011 at 8:41 pm

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Jesus Rises From The Dead, School Cancelled Monday

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(Jerusalem) — Jesus Christ again rose from the dead today, causing midstate school districts to cancel Monday classes and Biblical scholars to speculate as to why He chose this year to make a big return. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

April 4, 2010 at 7:00 am

Linda Thompson Dresses As Linda Thompson For Halloween

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(HARRISBURG) – City Council President and Democratic mayoral candidate Linda Thompson dressed as herself this Halloween, instilling fright in young and old alike throughout the city of Harrisburg. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

October 31, 2009 at 9:52 pm

Reed Deputizes Bobblehead Version Of Self

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(HARRISBURG) – Mayor Stephen Reed today presided over a ceremony at which he officially created the position of deputy mayor, then appointed a bobblehead doll of himself to the new post. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

January 10, 2009 at 3:20 pm

Reed Declares State Of Emergency Due To Thompson Presidency

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(HARRISBURG) — Mayor Stephen Reed today declared a state of emergency for the city of Harrisburg due to the appointment of Linda Thompson as City Council president. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

January 14, 2008 at 9:30 pm

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