THE CENTRAL PA GAZELLE

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Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Big Lettuce Balks At Taking Blame For Romaine Recall

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lettuce-2468495_1920What many are calling another senseless E. coli outbreak is fanning flames and raising tension on both sides of the debate over romaine lettuce.

Groups that have long spoken out in favor of tighter regulations on lettuce and lettuce dealers say more outbreaks will happen unless romaine is permanently banned from store shelves. But the romaine lettuce industry says it’s getting a bad rap. Read the rest of this entry »

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Written by centralpagazelle

December 4, 2018 at 10:24 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Local Woman Stuffs Recalled Turkey With Recalled Romaine Lettuce, Poisoning Guests

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Pixabay/A-Ray

(WORMLEYSBURG) – E. coli was the featured dish on Phoebe Boxcutter’s Thanksgiving table, after she served guests a recalled turkey stuffed with recalled romaine lettuce.

Police arrested Boxcutter after a dozen people — identified as family, friends and others who had disagreed with her political views on social media — were transported from her home to area hospitals complaining of stomach pain, projectile vomiting and explosive diarrhea. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

November 23, 2018 at 3:49 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Trump Ignites Dreams For Entire Generation of Racist, Misogynist, Sociopathic Assholes

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boys-554644_1920Young white male douchebags who have dreamed about parlaying their extreme dislike for others into a political career are full of hope and validated aspirations today, thanks to the election of Donald Trump as the next president of the United States. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

November 9, 2016 at 2:04 pm

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Fat, Drunk White Men With Guns Favored Over Deer Again This Season

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Deer_2011_Muzzleloader(HARRISBURG) – Overweight rednecks dressed in orange and drenched in deer piss are once again favored over unarmed deer this rifle deer hunting season. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

November 30, 2015 at 2:41 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Corbett Out Of Surgery; Drilling Companies Resume Role As Governor

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Corbett_7A spokesman for Governor Tom Corbett said the governor’s hernia surgery this morning was successful, and as a result, a coalition of natural gas drilling companies has resumed its control of Pennsylvania. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

February 27, 2014 at 1:45 pm

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Local Cold Weather Snap Proves Global Warming Over, Experts Say

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Frosty Morning in ForestScientists across the world reached consensus today that the snow and frigid temperatures being experienced in central Pennsylvania serve as legitimate proof that global warming no longer exists anywhere in the world. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

January 21, 2014 at 4:23 pm

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Sheep Looks Back On Blissful, Sex-Free Week At Farm Show

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sheep1A local sheep noted today how much he enjoyed the eight days he spent at the 98th Pennsylvania Farm Show, which he referred to as “a much-welcomed reprieve from sexual intercourse on a secluded farm.” Read the rest of this entry »

Written by centralpagazelle

January 13, 2014 at 11:40 pm

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